THE BIGGER THEY ARE............By BW

The bigger they are............  By Birdie Wild

The Wagtails gathered on the edge of town

(something real bad was gonna go down)

The noise was immense, then silence fell,

as Big Dave stood up and rang a bell.

Placing 'is wing on 'is heart in a pledge,

he vowed "We'll get revenge for them flattening our 'edge.

They kicked us out when they built that place

and us Waggies 'ave gorra save face.

So tonight, my friends, we face our foe,

tonight we get our own back on Tesco.

We're gonna 'it 'em proper 'ard,

we'll rob the cads of all their lard,

we'll cause such mayhem and devastation

that they'll 'ave to go into liquidation".

Well, the news spread near and far away,

birds flocked in their 'undreds (even Osprey)

The attack was led by the Wren Dougal

(for he's the one that played the bugle)

The Pigeons got their blow torches out

and the doors were down with a mighty clout.

The security bloke didn't stand a hope,

they shoved 'im in a trolley an' tied 'im with rope,

took off  'is shoes and tickled  'is feet 

and in each ear, they stuck a sweet.

Once inside, the lard was away fast

and cat treats went in a dynamite blast.

The tills were completely covered in glue,

the freezers turned off and filled with shampoo.

Trifle was thrown on every loo floor,

all except one (they couldn't open the door),

for the cleaner had locked herself inside,

completely in shock and terrified.

The crows threatened, "You come out an' we'll 'ave yer 

see?"

"Yes" screamed the cleaner, "You'll 'ave no trouble from 

me"

Clothes were covered in vapour rub (Vicks),

and windows pelted with pick 'n' mix.

There was flour and treacle up every wall

and soon there was nothing good left at all.

The birds all stood back, surveying the trouble,

then saw it was dawn and flew away at the double.

Next day Tescos manager and the big bosses

met with the head 'oncho in his office.

He cried in 'is hankie "were ruined, it's rough,

we'll just sell on the web, it'll be less tough"

So they closed up the shop and bulldozed it down

and a whole new peace settled over town.

Where Tescos had stood, got covered in weeds,

the butterflies and insects were ever so pleased.

The Wagtails bushes grew back real quick,

bigger than before and ever so thick.

And now and again, if you look 'ard,

you'll often see birds tucking into lard,

it gives them good memories of that night

when they helped the brave Waggies in their fight.

And all this, my friends, I know to be true,

for I was the cleaner locked in the loo.

 

Oh dear, I am wetting my knickers with laughing so much. Just brilliant!!!!

Pam Ayres has competition. Never laughed so much for ages

Thankyou Sparrow and Judi, so very very much. I'm happy it made you smile. If anyone else reads it and likes it, then I'll say thank you now, if no one does, then it's more than worth everything to have made both of you smile  :-)

Your missing your way Birdie , you have a great sense of humour and should do a book   I'd buy it

lol Ray

Brilliant Birdie made me smile too

What a talent you have Birdie and a wonderful sense of humour. I didn't expect the ending either.

Hilarious, I think there's a talent here

Haha hee hee, what a hoot,

The Wagtails giving Tescos the boot!

Brilliant.

So brilliantly brilliantly funny.  I am going to think of those heroes whenever I make suet.  Lol

Brilliant look forward to more :)