Want to know more about maerl (a collective term for pretty pink coral like seaweeds found in special places like Falmouth)?
Want to know how George Osborne is going to let it be destroyed, despite there being a great win:win alternative on offer?
Want to know how to express your feelings about this wonton destruction of our valuable marine life?
Then read Tony Whitehead's excellent blog. Don't let the sun set forever on our sealife.
I knew I couldn't fool you.... yes, the answer is zero as penguins live in the southern hemisphere, polar bears in the north.
But less than 170 years ago we did have penguins in British waters. Find out more about this sad tale - and find out how you can help make happier endings in future - in the latest blog post from our Seabird Policy Officer, Rory Crawford.
Fantastic photo of a southern rockhopper penguin by Grahame Madge (rspb-images.com)
You have to see this, its great. I knew my lovely colleagues in RSPB Scotland were a little mad, and this proves it. Check out their latest video:
Before you think I am being insulting about my pals north of the border, nothing could be further from the truth. A bit of madness and a bit of fun is a great way to get people to take notice of important messages. Almost two years after Scotland gained her first legistlation to protect our seas, there still isn't a single Marine Protected Area in Scottish waters. Not one. Nada.
So if you want to preserve a puffin, give a gannet a chance, and help provide respite for razorbills at sea, show Scottish ministers that you care and sign the marine pledge today.